By and large, jobs play an important role in every individual’s life in this day and age. This is due to the fact that jobs determine one’s income and form his/her character. With this being said, it is not surprising that like all prominent ideas, its aspects are subject to discussion and analysis. For example, how many days should employees work is controversial. Some people believe working fewer days for longer hours is advantageous, some others believe otherwise. I am personally a proponent of the former idea as seems to be more rational and fruitful. I feel this way because of two main reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.
The first imperative reason that comes to mind is that for employees who are married and have children, this issue is of great importance since nowadays, jobs have become professional and requires perseverance and more time by employees, therefore employees face many problems in order to allocate time for their family. Not only do children especially young ones require their parents to play with, but parents’ presence is also necessary for their learning issues. Take, for instance, an employee who has two young children and his wife works too. Typically they cannot allocate much time for their children, nonetheless, should the man work only three days a week, he will be able to spend two more days in addition to the weekend with his children which is beneficial for the whole family.
Another reason which is worth mentioning regarding this particular matter is that working five days a week is dreary and after a while, employees will lose their efficiency which is not desirable for a company. Reducing working days to three will enable employees to rest adequately half of a week and work proficiently at the other half of the week. Nevertheless by using convenient working system, neither employees work properly, nor have enough time to rest and spend time with their family. For example, once at university, I set up my schedule to have classes only 3 days a week for the whole day. Not only did I study more efficiently and got a better GPA, but I also managed to go to swimming every week while I had not been to do so before that semester.
To sum up, there are many reasons which are persuasive enough for an individual to conclude that advantages of working three days for long hours outweigh its disadvantages. For example, in this way, employees will be able to allocate larger amount of time to their family and work more efficiently.
|Word Choice | انتخاب واژگان||a noticeably inappropriate choice of words or word forms: (2||2|
|Organization and Development | توسعه دادن نوشته||well developed, using clearly appropriate explanations, exemplifications, and/or details(5||5|
|Addressing Topic | بیان مسئله||Addresses well, but some points may not be fully elaborated: (4||4|
|Unity, Progression and Coherence | یک پارچگی متن||display fully unity, progression, and coherence(5||5|
|Grammar | ساختار های صحیح||demonstrating syntactic variety, occasional noticeable minor errors in structure(4||4|
|Vocabulary | املای صحیح||range of vocabulary, noticeable minor errors that do not interfere with meaning(4||4|
nowadays instead of in this day and age...
your word choice is completely iranian. you can use accordingly, subsequently, thus, ...
again iranian structure: one of the controversial issues regarding careers is ...
former idea? maybe the first item is better. it is not vague. I dont know exactly which side you are supporting.did you try to take a look to the books that I proposed you??
you should support your side confidently not feeling like that.
examples are good.. well done
structures are good enough
try to write down three supporting paragraphs
it seems that you use "issue" frequently.. try to use its synonyms instead.
i cant figure out why u used the last "for example"
i again suggest you to read more, and make your writing a bit more fantasy.
further, look at your writing once again and try to find the synonyms for the words you used and in this way expand your vocabluary