مشاوره اپلای

نمونه رایتینگ تافل با نمره‌ی wr44347

Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

It is well said that: “what we do is who we are”. Nowadays we witness that, individual’s social status is determined by him/her job. Besides that, self-gratification can be provided by success in work. As consequence, it can be said that achievement in our future job is so significant which cannot be ignored. However, some people are of the opinion that education is the golden key of every closed door such as being successful in a future job, I am of the conviction that, the ability to communicate properly with others is such an accomplishment which can guarantee victory in future career for some reasons; no task is done solely, costumers satisfactory almost depends on seller’s behavior, and also the most prevailing factor for success in job interviews is proper behavior.
From the dawn of humanity, cooperation with others has played a significant role in our survival. There is a phrase, in this regard, which says: “a bird never flew on one wing”. In association with prosperity in any tasks, it should be said that, if we do not adapt ourselves to other people, we doom to fail as well as our ancestors had to. For instance, in work environment, there are some colleagues we not only have to see them but have to cooperate with them as well. So, if we can not relate to associates perfectly, we will encounter serious problems, and this will affect our mental health because our work environment is our second home. it means that, many adults dedicate most of their time at work.in summary, it can be inferred that, being more sociable results in being more successful in job.
From the marketing point of view, suitable manner substantially led to attracting more customers. As we all know, sociable people appeal to everyone and this attractiveness can be utilized to increase the clients. In this regard, growth in the number of consumers brings to a growth in the amount of gain and one of the indicators to consider a business as a successful one is its profit rate. Therefore, the skill of communication with others is such a goal for a successful futuristic career.
Moreover, job interviews are one of the most stressful work. From scholar’s point of view, applicants’ IQ is less effective than their EQ. it It stands to reason that, controlling the emotions in general, and the ability to temper properly, in particular, are more significant than intelligence. That is why learning to make contact to other people is so essential.
All in all, although the issue of whether people should gain the abilities to make social contacts or educate extremely to get achievement in the future profession, is controversial; , I believe that learning to be sociable is more important than studying hard. I wish to witness a day in which social skills are noticed more.

Word Choice | انتخاب واژگانuse of idiomatic language that do not interfere with meaning: (44
Organization and Development | توسعه دادن نوشتهsomewhat developed explanations, exemplifications, and/or details(33
Addressing Topic | بیان مسئلهAddresses well, but some points may not be fully elaborated: (44
Unity, Progression and Coherence | یک پارچگی متنit may contain occasional redundancy, digression, or unclear connections(44
Grammar | ساختار های صحیحdemonstrating syntactic variety, occasional noticeable minor errors in structure(44
Vocabulary | املای صحیحdisplays consistent facility in the use of language(55

نظر مشاور

می تونی به جای him/her از their استفاده کنی
خود کلمه individual معنی مفرد میده ولی ولی همه افراد جامعه مد نظر هستند کلمه جمع می شود پس باید نوشت : individuals' social statuses are determined
دقت شود که جمع کلمه statusکه لاتین هست به صورا فوق هم درست می باشد.
در واقع As a consequence صحیح هست یا بگو consequently
ترجیحا هیچ وقت از اول شخص در راینتینگ تافل استفاده نشود به جای our achievementاز one's achivement استفاده شود.
ویرگول در انتهای خط سه در صورت جمله معترضه باید به ; تبدیل شود وگرنه از . استفاده شود. از جملات طولانی پرهیز کنید.
به ویرگول در خط ۳ نیازی نیست.
عبارت صحیح customers satisfaction هست که یک کلمه مرکب می باشد. satisfactory صفت هست و اینگونه کاربرد اشتباه می باشد.
در واقع the proper behavior صحیح است. شما در puctuation ضعیف هستید.
مفرد: any task

if we do not adapt ourselves to other people
ازفرمت اول شخص استفاده تکنید if one does not..., they ...این ساختار درست است می توان قسمت دوم را جمع به کار برد و منظور مفرد باشد. مطالعه کنید.
به حای seeاز face استفاده شود یا در مفهوم از interact , cooperateدیدن به مفهوم فارسی استفاده شده است و انتخاب کلمه نابجاست
تبدیل شود به :‌but also, we have to ... به ساختار not only, ... but also توجه شود.
انتخاب کلمات در if we can not relate to associates perfectlyضعیف است collocation دیگری باید استفاده شود اگر منظور این است که اگر ما خوب در جمع های احتماعی مچ و جور نباشیم ...
بعد از serious problems به کاما احتیاج است. بعد از home . لازم است. it means that, به گاما اختیاجی نیست.
حرف اضافه dedicate to درست است.
باید حرف اول space و بزرگ باشد : In summary
باید گفت being more successful in the job
led to is past tense. you are mentining a fact. Use simple present tense: leads to ...

increase th enumber of clients ...

brings to a growth : leads to growth in/ triggers the growth in/ ...
amount of the gainصحیح می باشد باید the
استفاده شود
باید از , قبل از and one of the ...استفاده شود.
در غبارت job interviews are one of the most stressful work جمع و مفرد رو قاتی کرده. interviews جمع هست نباید one of بگی. are of the most stressful tasks.کلمه work کالوکیشن مناسبی نیست.
عبارت scholar’s غلطه یا باید جمع به کار بره یا به صورت compound noun
عبارت make contactبه جای interact استفاده شده
به کاما در خط یکی به اخر نیاز نیست
کلمه althoughبا سمیکولون به کار نیمره با کاما به کار میره
باز هم in which غلطه باید بگی the day when چون اشاره به زمانه
dependent clause beginning with WH questions لطفا کار شود

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